Recently I turned 25. Its kind of tough to think through the passing moments, really. Especially when you consider the first quarter of life as a milestone that passed by, acceding to no will of yours. After a day filled ith wishes, and gifts, when I sit back and rewind the twenty five years of my life, it was mixed feelings. When I look at the recent past (since 21) and till date, I realize that I've all the syndromes of the quarter life crisis.
Here are the symptoms for you to check for yourself,
You start worrying more about tomorrow than about today. You start thinking more about you than about your friends.You start feeling unique and so you don't want to be part of the crowd.You become conscious about yourself and about others and start observing and judging people. Since you've become judgmental, you add a baddie tag to everyone.But you hate to have the baddie image for yourself (bcos you feel you're good) and so you're confused about all your actions, since you aren't sure if this action is in your list of acceptable things. Since you are judgmental now, you also brand people as selfish, insincere, mean, uncaring and unempathetic. You just don't realize that they might feel the same about you.
You get more worried when a friend who hardly studied at school or college makes it to a top school for masters and although you have no inclination to study more, you feel like a loser, bcos your friend made it and you never even made an attempt. You feel like killing yourself for being such a stupid. You are worried when all your friends are either committed or married. If you had had a past relationship, that didn't work out, you are heart broken and keep wasting all your life wondering how someone whom you loved so much could do this to you and then get into this vicious cycle of wakeup, office, back from work - on the couch watching all possible romantic soaps (if it is a successful love story, you cry again wondering why your's failed, if it is a failure on the screen, you're happy to know that you are not the only one), sob for an hour for your lost love and then sleep. If you never got into a relationship and is still single, you wonder why you haven't met anyone according to your requirements that you want to know them better. If you are committed and not married, you feel insecure about the relationship or you're worried if your parents will be okay to accept the chosen one as your spouse. If you're married, you're worried about the kids you're expecting in another 3 years. In anycase you are worried :)
Since you spend most of your productive hours in office, you can look for clear symptoms there too. If you're jobless, you're worried about getting a job. If you're on bench, you're worried about getting a project. When you're on a project, you crib about working for long hours, After a few months in the project, you're bored and want another new challenging one. You mostly jump the company looking for either better remuneration or a challenging job. A month in the new company, and you realize that the previous one was better. But you also find that irrespective of the company, you hate your manager, and you're just okay with your teammates. You sink in a pool of sadness and anger at the time of appraisal and feedback and just don't want to accept that you're not the best.
Finally, with a restless mind, when you go back home, you suddenly realize that the gap in the relationship with the family has increased. You feel alone as if you're the only one facing all the misery in the world.You're scared and confused, but you soon realize that you don't have a choice but to move on. You desperately want an identity.
The only thing that you don't realize is that, you're not the only one going through all this.
So, if you do feel the same, welcome to the club :).
Much of the complexities of being a twenty something is already addressed by me. I identify with most of it. I've always thought that I've faced more problems in life that most of my friends and that the happy days were fewer than the sad ones. But, when I look back now, I feel that, life is more than just a summation of miseries, woes, troubles and confusion and I don’t choose to cast a negative cloud on the enriching journey. The rewound reel shows more sunshine than darkness - pampering, care, love,some achievements, some perfect moments, a few relationships which made life a bliss, few more which made it a burden (but, they made me strong), lessons learnt and some cherished people who filled my life with fond memories - how I wish I could just stop the wheel here and enjoy the coziness forever :('. Although like most others, for the first twenty years, I just did what my family wanted me to (which is not fun mostly :)), I later on discovered joy in books, writing, friends, family and learning new skills that I had no idea earlier. But, the most important learning was through self-realization and soul searching - my heart fills with joy when I see the smile on those deprived of it. This discovery has filled my life with love, laughter and a sense of celebration.
There was different learnings at different stages of life. When I was obedient and listened to all that my parents said, and lived a life that they dreamt for me - it was childhood. When I started liking changes and lived a life that my friends did - it was adolescence. But, it is only now that I live a life that I like, I want and I dream for me - may be an adult. But, in all these stages through all the struggle of growing Up, I've learnt that best teachers are failures and not successes. These uninvited teachers (failures) taught me to value people, cherish relationships, face life with a smile, spread love, be harmless, appreciate differences, let go and accept myslef for what I am. The prize for being a good student - a boon to enjoy every moment of life.
In 25 years, life threw myriad challenges on me, of which I passed some, while still exploring some. I'm not perfect either, I'm still working on not to be disappointed with things which I can't control, not to be biased and jump into a conclusion and not to except anything from a relationship. Just one quarter is over, with the many more quarters left, I'm sure I'll win the challenges :).
With all the learnings, that is shaping me as a person whom I want to be, I'm glad and happy the way I am. I look forward to the other quarters with a smile and am ready with the weapon (love & smile) to face all the future endeavours.
